Tindering can be fun!. Online dating has lost much of its stigma from 10 years ago.  44% of American adults are singles and 40% of singles use online dating*. Many people consider online dating to be a viable way of meeting romantic partners.  The online dating age range has also expanded to include teens and older adults; demographics you don’t think have trouble meeting people in the off-line world.  However, many people I talk to feel online dating is stressful and triggers lots of insecurities and disappointment.  Here are some ways to think about online dating so it is a fun and useful opportunity to learn about yourself.

  1. You get to meet a lot of people online that you normally wouldn’t cross paths with. Going on a tinder date is like an opportunity to visit a new place – be curious and open minded to your date’s story.  Don’t think too much about whether they’re good relationship material or whether they like you.  Having too many expectations increases stress levels and makes you less authentic.
  2. Along the same line, treat a tinder date like visiting a new city, be creative and spontaneous on what you actually do on your dates but always have a backup plan to leave in safety. Meet at public places, minimize exchanging personal information, have your own ability to leave the date with secure transportation at all time.  You’re not obligated to stay entire date and nor is your date.
  3. Don’t take lack of response personally. Whoever is on the other end of your texts doesn’t know much about you. You’re more than your pictures, your write-ups, and streams of text/email exchanges. Can you imagine reading an article about your favorite musicians and being in love with him/her?  That’s call idolization.  Your idea of who your idol is actually is really far from who they are in reality. So is your online persona.
  4. Think of how many people you find attractive on a random online date. Maybe 10%? Well, that’s probably how many people will be attracted to you (plus or minus a few).  Don’t make dating about seeking approval from people.  There are many reasons a relationship will or will not blossom. The reasons are pretty unique to each person. Your match is going to be unique.
  5. Ghosting is when someone you have been chatting with or even gone on a few dates suddenly disappear on you without any explanation. You probably have ghosted someone and you will get ghosted. Think about why you ghosted someone or might ghost someone. Being ghosted is very disorienting and you might think there’s something wrong with you.  In the world of social media- many people, especially young people, rely on peer opinion to make their decision resulting in a lack of comfort in trusting and declaring one’s position.  Adding that to the fact that the internet often makes people feel anonymous therefore not need to be socially responsible, ghosting happens a lot. People ghost on you for many reasons not related to you – they might get busy, they might not be ready to date, they might already have a few people they are dating already, they might not actually want a relationship, and of course, they might not think you are a good match. You probably think that of a lot of people.  Again, it’s not a popularity contest. It’s not about getting “liked”.
  6. Don’t judge. You will find some qualities and personality traits more attractive than others. Remember, this is your personal preference. You’re learning something about what you’re attracted to. Make it a fun experience even when your dates aren’t great. In this process of meeting people, learn about your patterns of likes and dislikes, and figure out why. Learn something deeper about your needs and desires.

If you want more success in dating but feel scared, worry you lack ability or are scared to pursue the arena, schedule an appointment with me to get support and skills in navigating the dating world.   Please call or email me to setup an appointment at 650-397-1376 or by email at yeh.wendy@gmail.com.



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